Tag Archive for 20 something blues

The Orange in the Fields

Even though teach for america was a failure, I’m so grateful to have lived in Mississippi.
I loved the peace you felt, due to the lack of noise and the big open spaces of nature.
Never experienced that before.

Also loved how polite and approachable people seemed there.
Loved seeing how my students stood up for one another.
They knew each other well, they all grew up together.
Never had that before either.

After Christmas Break, 2013 I went back to Leland, MS.
On the way from airport, I remember seeing the darkness of the fields.
And not feeling much. Not wanting to feel my dread. Not acknowledging that I hated being a teacher.

The next day I painted the fields.

orange in the fields

This is what inspired depression looks like.
It would take a few days for me to acknowledge it.
But I was depressed. To say the least.

Acrylics, on canvas paper. 2013
Priced at $80 Please contact me if you wish to purchase.

The Spiral of Time

Taught a Spanish class about Frida Kahlo.
The snails supposedly signified how time dragged on for her.
During all those moments of pain.

That’s how I felt during most of last year.
Going away to teach was super tough.
Failed at accomplishing my goal of being a teacher.

Dragging my feet mayling

Acrylics, on canvas paper. 2013
Priced at $80 Please contact me if you wish to purchase.

Everything’s new

 

Back in LA. Everything is as if I never went away. And everything looks brand new since I DID go away. For seven arduous months.

Wonderly’s theme for January was “change”. So here are my thoughts.

 

No sonrías

La sonrisa es una máscara. Esconde y falsifica emociones con forme el deseo de su dueño. Es una herramienta de manipulación para amantes, amigos, y desconocidos.

La sonrisa ya no tiene valor alguno. La humanidad ha corrompido el valor de la sonrisa. Se sonríe cuando se disculpa, cuando se rechaza y cuando se sufre.

Los mas sonrientes son los peores culpables. Al verse en el espejo, ellos ya no pueden distinguir su felicidad verdadera de la falsa. Sus mentirosas sonrisas han desplazado la honestidad de sus emociones.

Al esconder tristeza con risas, se rechaza a uno mismo. Pierdes la identidad al no escuchar tus pensamientos y emociones. Aprende a reconocer el movimiento continuo de las emociones y el peligro de una sonrisa permanente.

Dejar de sonreír es necesario para ser una persona auténtica. Remplaza tu sonrisa con la honestidad de tus sentimientos, y llegarás a saber quien eres.

Olvidar sonrisas falsas da espacio a reconocer como se siente uno en cada momento. Ayuda a estar presente en cada momento –lo que puede resultar en una sonrisa genuina.

Post college depression

It’s been a year since I graduated and this is what I find myself thinking:

Feeling your twenties yet?